Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
