so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
