If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
