Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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