is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
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