someone owes me an orgasm
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
