We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
