Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
