I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
