1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
