he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
