i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
