One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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