I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
