are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
