You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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