I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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