True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
