dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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