She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
