I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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