420 ftw
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
