Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
