His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
