Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
