I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
