i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She bit a glass in half.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
