I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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