We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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