if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
