I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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