If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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