all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
