ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
