I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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