did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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