I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
