You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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