Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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