My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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