I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
