she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
