Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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