He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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