and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My dick has a subreddit
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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