Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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