she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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