I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
