i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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