Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
