Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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