If i could tip my vagina, i would.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
