Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
