just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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