ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
