i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
