So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
