i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
