what day is it and did you see me today?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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